Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
