The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
