guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
