this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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