what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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