And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
