How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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