I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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