apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
