Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
