She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You are a genius and a whore.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
