Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
