i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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