i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize