The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Watching her eat just hurts me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
