I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
