My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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