Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
