So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
