Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
