I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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