??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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