so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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