come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
