First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
