you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize