this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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