So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
