I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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