are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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