Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
