He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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