dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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