Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
