so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
