We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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