Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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