We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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