You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
