Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
