You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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