we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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