Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
