I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you made out with another girl for some wings
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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