I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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