girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
