Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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