Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
