Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
