Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
