So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
