hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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