i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
