I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
