drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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