Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
