whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
