I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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