Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
