he told me I talked like a deaf person
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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