"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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