Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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