He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
