Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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