Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Alive.
So much puke
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
