remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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