your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
