I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize