Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
