trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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